Random, very random…

As I was visiting my kids’ Pediatrician the other day, again, I thought about how often I am in there.  Is it strange that I am on a first name basis with the front desk staff, or that I know more about what’s going on in their life than I need to know?  Speaking of knowing too much about people’s lives, why is it that I always have to start a conversation with random strangers?  It’s almost a disease with me, I cannot sit across from someone in a waiting room and NOT start a conversation!  At the same Pediatrician’s office I start talking with a mom after hearing her kids’ horrible cough.  After five minutes, I know way too much information!  I know where this woman lives, how many kids she has, the schools they attend, how annoying her husband is, etc…

Most people are happy and content to sit quietly, enjoying their magazine or playing on their phone.  Not me, I am neither content nor happy until I have made at least one friend with the people in the waiting room, or as my friends would say: “annoy the hell out of at least one person in the waiting room”.   My brother calls it “the gift of gab”.  The rest of my family calls it being annoying and nosy.  I like my brother’s version better.

This Pediatrician I speak of is the same one that I gave my blog’s website to, so she could check out my shtick.  Why would I want my kids’ Doctor reading about useless information, random vents and my kids adventures in the bathroom, you ask?  Beats me.  I probably shouldn’t be telling her that there are days when I lock myself in the bathroom with a bottle of Jack either, but I do.  Yes, I agree most sane and rational Mothers wouldn’t share that kind of information, but I’d like to think that my Pediatrician and I have developed a good rapport by now.  I tell her the bad and the ugly, and she tells me that they all grow up normal eventually.  I tell her about the drinking at four in the afternoon, and she laughs her head off.  I ask her if my family’s mental instability has possibly transferred into my children, and she tells me to wash those thoughts away with a good bottle of Merlot.  I am more of a vodka straight up kind of a gal, but that will do.

See, she is a great Doctor, every Mother should have one like her.  She doesn’t judge, or threaten to call Child Protective Services.  Well, not yet.  I am sure after reading some of my material, it might change…

Great Doctor must not exist- here we go again!

Don’t you just love when you visit a Doctor, and he tells you to go ahead and call him if you need anything else?  I am still pretty shocked when I hear any Doctor say that, since most of them want you to come back, pay money, and THEN they will answer your questions, even if you’ve already seen him the day before… for the same thing.

What they don’t tell you is that you will NEVER get through to them, when you call!  See, they have developed a great firewall, as in a computer firewall.  When a patient calls trying to speak to the Doctor, a defense mechanism by the name of “front-desk-Judy” comes up to block you.  “Oh, you really really need to speak to the Dr.?  Sorry, he is in with a patient right now.  Oh, he told you to call him?  I understand, and will leave him yet another message that you called.  Yes, I see here that you called prior to this annoying call, but he was at lunch then.  And yes, we are only open from 9 to 4, and we take an hour lunch from 12 to 1, but don’t answer our phones until about 1:30 or so, and today we are leaving early.  Why?  The Dr. has a dinner appointment with his wife.  Why don’t we just make an appointment for you to come in tomorrow, and he will answer any questions you may have!  Yes, that will cost you another co-pay, and yes most likely he will be running late since we are getting in a little late tomorrow.”
Either way, you are screwed.

You see, I finally found a perfect Jewish Doctor in Orange County.  He really is perfect, not only because he will sit and chat with you, but also tell you all about his family!  When he is done talking about his everyday struggles with his children, and the trials and tribulations of his third marriage, he does occasionally look at whatever it is that brought you into his office.  After which, he asks what it is that you would like for him to do to fix the problem…
Well, I am no Doctor but I think some kind of an anti-biotic would work just fine!  What do YOU think, Doctor?

What’s even better about my wonderful, Jewish Doctor is that I recently found out that he is Canadian.  Yes, that country above us that for some reason thinks its an Actual country of its own!  Now, no need for hate mail, I love Canada!  Really, I do.  I even have some relatives that live there.  People are very nice, and super friendly and I don’t have a single problem with them.  However, I am not so sure about their Medical professionals…
Oh wait, that’s not the best part.  Here it comes.  I recently found out that my Jewish, Canadian doctor also went to school in Mexico!  Yeap, that country right below us.  Again, I have no problem with that country either.  People are even nicer than Canadians, hard workers, always eager to help, etc, etc, etc…
I am starting to understand his willingness to give me whatever I want, whenever I want it.  I am also starting to understand the shady hours of operation.  What I don’t understand is why can’t I find the perfect Doctor…