Kate Winslet’s Fight Against Plastic Surgery

Kate Winslet started a campaign against plastic surgery in Hollywood.  I am starting my own campaign against Kate Winslet.  Really Kate, you are against cosmetic surgery, and are encouraging other Hollywood starlets not to fall under its magical spell?  Really?  How very convenient for you to start this campaign AFTER you’ve have all your plastic surgery done.

You don’t know what I’m talking about?  Well, let me refresh your memory.  Remember how you gave birth to two children?  Remember how you got really fat?  Remember how you had all that ugly, saggy skin hanging and hated your body?  Remember how you lost all that baby weight, and all of a sudden had even more sagging skin?  Remember all those interviews you did saying how much you dislike your body?  Does any of that ring a bell?

It’s really funny how all of a sudden you decide to “start loving my body”.  Sure you are loving your body now.  After all those nips and tucks and Botox injections, or whatever it is they inject into women’s foreheads across the pond (say that with an English accent for better effect; sounds much better), of course you are loving your body now!

How very mature of you, as a role model for girls everywhere to mislead them about what a “natural” woman looks like.  Looking at you at the Sunday’s Emmy Awards really made me believe that your hotness is purely due to working out, eating right and shedding baby weight.  Yea, right!  A tummy tuck, a breast lift, and full body liposuction had nothing to do with the way you look now, right?  At least be an adult about it and admit you had work done.  Do us all a favor, don’t lie to the regular folk.  We are not idiots, alright so some of us are very much the idiots but we still would like to hear the truth.  Own your Man-Made Beauty, Kate Winslet!  Own it!  That’s all I gotta say.

Everyone is suddenly Irish on March 17th!

Why does everyone become Irish on St. Patrick’s day?  Even the Jews.  When has it become a good thing for Jews to start drinking?  Have you ever seen Jewish people drink?  No, that’s because most of us can’t hold down our liquor, and its not pretty.

I am definitely the “drinker” in the family, not my husband.  His idea of a drink is ordering a glass of wine at dinner, finishing half of it and me having to drive home, because he looks like he is about to pass out.  I usually order a beer, but when it arrives the server gives it to my husband, assuming I am having the wine.  Because that’s usually how it works: the girl gets a fru-fru drink with an umbrella on top, and the guy orders a beer.

Not even close with Jewish men, unless its my Father.  He has a glass of Vodka, or as he calls it “water” with everything.  And yes, I said a glass not a shot.  His Grandfather wouldn’t even get out of bed until the wife brought him a glass of Vodka in the morning.  But, I guess when you’ve survived the Holocaust, and find yourself living under the Soviet regime with all your adult children and grandchildren under one roof, you DO need a glass of Vodka before getting out of bed!  We all needed alcohol to get us through the day, the earlier the better.

I am pretty sure my in-laws think I am an alcoholic.  Living in Cleveland, amongst 99.5% Jewish population, there ain’t much drinking going on…  So, when I have a beer once in a while, as my Father passes Vodka around to everyone around him before dinner has yet to arrive, and my Mother in the corner laughing her head off because she’s already had her half a glass of wine, I can only assume that they are dialing Jewish Alcoholics Anonymous under the table!

Its like the scene from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” where the Greek family keeps getting the Americans drunk, offering barbecued sheep amongst other delicatessen…  Only in my case, its the Russian Jews trying to serve up stuffed fish with its head still on and washing it down with Vodka.

Going back to my previous question about Jewish drinking, I ask this again: do Jewish people really think they can party on St. Patrick’s day like the rest of the population?  No, they can’t.  It really is not a pleasant site when you see Moshe at the bar, red as a lobster after one beer, with a green Super Jew t-shirt looking as if he is about to puke his guts out before 10 p.m.  My suggestion to all my people, do not pretend you are Irish for one night trying to impress the ladies with your drinking abilities and your cool shirt, it will only make you look like the Jew that you are, red-faced and all.  Stick to a fruity Bahama Mama with an umbrella on top!  Its Sexy.


Schwarzenegger vs. Medvedev

Reading the newspaper the other day, I couldn’t help but notice an article about the Russian President Dimitry Medvedev and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Apparently, the two have become quite fond of each other, and as recently as last week even Tweeted about it.

Here are my issues with that.  Its not enough that our wonderful “Governator” ruined the State of California, made our budget crisis even bigger, took funds away from schools and gave it to prisons, but now he is planning to do “business” with the Russian President?  Russian government is already corrupt, and morally disfigured.  It sure does not need another idiot like Schwarzenegger meddling with its economy, and trying to “go into business” with its President.  Am I wrong?  No, I am not.

What could those two possibly have in common?  Well, apparently they are making a “play date” to go skiing together as well as Schwarzenegger helping Medvedev in creating Russia’s own Silicone Valley.  Is it just me, or does that seem a bit odd?  What the hell does “Governator” know about the tech world?  Or for that matter, what does he know about the business world?  Just because you used to make action films, have a famous wife, and have dabbled in some home purchases over the years, does not make you an expert on building a Tech Empire!  He really should learn how to speak and write first.  Have you listened to some of his so-called speeches?  He can’t even formulate a sentence, without going off on some random tangent.  For example, a few months ago he was supposed to be speaking about our education, and changes that were being made.  Do you know what he started talking about?  He went on and on about his Mother and Father, and how they always “kiss and hug me when I was a little boy in Austria.  Even when we went out to the field, they always kiss and hug, kiss and hug, always.  Before we went to school, they kiss and hug, kiss and hug.  Today, parents don’t kiss and hug their kids.  My parents always kiss and hug all of us, always kiss and hug.”  You have to read it with a big Austrian/German accent for better result!

For the next ten minutes that’s all he talked about.  Someone from his staff finally whispered into his ear, and he went on to another topic.  I swear that guy is the last person you want “building” anything with!

And what is it with Russians being so enamored by American movie stars, especially the old ones, the ones that haven’t made anything in the past decade?  The older, the better…  I really don’t get that friendship.  Is there something there that I don’t see?