Matchmaking Woes…

I can’t remember exactly WHEN I started matchmaking, but it seems like I’ve been doing it forever…  In fact, I clearly remember trying to set people up back when I was in high school.  Most kids seemed open to it, however I was always asked the same question, even to this day: “Why?  Why do you keep doing it?”  I can’t explain it, it just makes me happy to see two people come together and form a relationship of some sort.  Whether its a long term relationship that ends in marriage and children, or something short-lived until both parties decide to move on.  Either way, it brings me joy.  I wake up in the middle of the night with an Aha! moment, knowing who I am going to set up the next day.
As much joy matchmaking brings me, there are some definite upsets that come along with it also…  Maybe its a sign of times, but lately I’ve been having the hardest time with single ladies between the ages of 35 and 45.  It’s not that they are opposed to the idea or mind paying for matchmaking services, but rather very cautious almost too cautious about being set up on a date.  Not only are they hesitant about giving me their real age and history of past relationships, but they also proceed very slowly and with great fear!

As the world evolved and allowed women to be completely independent from men, sometimes earning higher salaries, having great friends, apartments and a social life – so has the need for having a man in our lives.  It’s sad and wonderful at the same time.  These days the men who come to me for help are a lot more open about it, even when it comes to light “coaching”, appearance and dating advice.  Women on the other hand… not so much.  They seem very set in their ways as they get older, and unless I bring them “The Perfect Guy” don’t mind staying single.  I can’t say that I blame them, after all they do seem to have it all so why bother wasting a night on a potentially wrong date?  But then again, I am not usually wrong when I pair two people up and besides What Do You Have To Lose?  Not much.  And hopefully a lot to gain!  Who doesn’t want someone to come home to, or curl up on the couch with that isn’t covered in drool and animal hair?  Sure your cat or dog can’t talk back, but they also can’t give you an opinion on a pressing matter, give you an orgasm or bring you a hot cup of tea when you are ill…

If you or someone you know is interested in my matchmaking services – visit Match By Julia.  I will be more than happy to help you find a partner in life!

Is Matchmaking a Mitzvah and how many are we supposed to accomplish in our lifetime?

Attending a wedding the other week of a couple that I introduced, made me think of the many Mitzvot that we are supposed to perform in our lifetime.  Having been somewhat of a Matchmaker since I was in high school, I had never really thought about it as a Mitzvah, or a good deed.  All I did was put two souls together, mainly because I had a feeling that they would like each other and hopefully build a life together.  But as I sat listening to the Cantor during the wedding talking about the Torah, and the significance of all of us performing a Mitzvah, my husband leaned closer and whispered: “I’m so proud, you made all this happen, yet another Mitzvah!”  To tell the truth, it caught me off guard, I had never thought of it that way.  My amateur matchmaking had always been a bit of a hobby, on the side of all my other “real” jobs.  And as my husband would say, a bit of an annoyance and hindrance to our personal life.

So as I started to ponder about all the people I introduced over the last fifteen years, and realized that a lot of them have continued to stay together, and in this case get married and start a family!  I had an epiphany!  I was doing a service to the world, I was performing a Mitzvah each time I matched a couple!  It only took me about fifteen years to come to this realization…  But, then again I am a bit of a slow learner.  Then more questions poured into my head…  Are we supposed to accomplish a certain number of good deeds in our lifetime?  Am I good now?  Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love matchmaking, especially when the two people hit it off and continue dating.  However, it does not come without its problems.

Some of my past “couples” are eager to share their first meeting with me, along with every detail of their dates after that with its ups and downs, leaving me wanting to “fix” the situation.  Others I hardly hear from again until I see a post on Facebook that they are getting married, which brings me to yet another thought.  There has to be some kind of an etiquette when it comes to using a matchmaker, especially my kind of a matchmaker, a.k.a the free kind!  If I introduced you two, and somewhere down the line you decide to get married, along with your first phone calls to Mothers, Fathers, Sisters and Brothers, shouldn’t I be in there somewhere well before Facebook, Shmacebook, Twitter and whatever else?  Is it just me or does something feel a little odd about having to find out on Facebook that the couple you set up is getting married?  Again, maybe its just me.

I also get my husband involved in it, which he happily goes along with screening people with me, trying to look for single and available bachelors at his work, gym, basketball league, etc…  Poor guy is so tired of me waking him up a 2 a.m., only to hear me squeal with excitement because I thought of a girl for my single guy!

So, going back to my original question: Is Matchmaking a Mitzvah?  And how many Mitzvot are we as human beings, and Jews are supposed to perform to be good with the man above?  Or does it not work that way in Judaism…