Parenthood

You know you are a parent when you and your partner are looking for a place to hide from your kids for a quickie, or just to make out. In the walk-in closet, in the kitchen while making dinner, and the kids are busy playing outside. My husband I have also learned that if we wake up before the kids, and quietly lock the bedroom door, it will give us approximately 6 to 8 minutes before someone is pounding on the door, or trying to break it down. This means that one of us has to already be “warmed up” and ready to go! Which leaves us time for:

– exactly 1 minute of foreplay

– approximately 2 minutes of ripping whatever jammies we got on

– 1 minute of instructions

– and 1 to 2 minutes of trying to accomplish the goal.

The problem with that plan is that we have one of those push locks, that makes a very loud noise when locking it, which apparently is also a signal to the kids/dog that Mom and Dad are about to lock themselves in the room for who-knows-what, and their tiny brain says that its time to put an end to it.  What is it about “Mommy and Daddy” time don’t they get?

So now, after various failed attempts of bribery, we started telling them that when the door is locked, they Must walk away, either back to their rooms or downstairs. The reason being, that we have some major financial issues to work on, and if they don’t leave us alone, they won’t have any money to go to College!  I know its genius, right?  Yes my kids truly want to go to college, unfortunately those high aspirations don’t come from me.

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